Helpful Lies
by Seeress
Summary: Trowa has a certain question he's been meaning to ask Duo... [slight yaoi, OOCness] Epilogue added
1. The First Installment

Helpful Lies

_Disclaimer:_ This is a purely non-profit story written for entertainment purposes only. All characters of Gundam Wing belong to their respective owners.

_Summary:_ Trowa has a certain question he's been meaning to ask Duo, and the almighty God of Death suddenly finds himself trapped…

_Author's Notes:_ Well, finally I get around to my attempt at a parody. *Gasp* ME? A PARODY? You must be joking! Believe it, folks, because for once, I'm not writing an angst! Hallelujah, will wonders never cease. Anyways, this one sort of came to me unexpectedly (during a sugar high, I'd imagine) and it struck me as funny. I'd **really **like feedback on this one, because I've been meaning to write something comical for as long as I've been writing. So, tell me if I should write more humorous fics or if I should just stick with the angst. 

And now, without further ado, on to the story.

~ Seeress

**~*~*~*~**

Helpful Lies

_"I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie."_

The words rang loudly in his ears as he quietly got in costume, preparing himself for another performance. Throughout the entire week the question had been nagging him and constantly on his mind, and he needed to ask before he went insane. He had asked Duo over, and all he was waiting for was his guest to arrive…

Three firm taps sounded, and Trowa was almost jumping to answer it. He schooled himself in time as to not let Duo see his anxiousness. The braided ball of energy came in as his usual self, with the exception of being soaked to the bone. He started talking as soon as he entered the room, while simultaneously taking off his dripping jacket.

"Hey, Tro, sorry I'm late. It's raining cats and dogs out there! I don't know why a colony needs so much damn rain, anyways. I tell ya, those weather guys had better watch it or the mechanisms will be on the fritz again and…"

Duo stopped suddenly, seeming to realize that his comrade had not spoken a word since his arrival. He smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, Tro, didn't mean to blabber on there… are you okay?" He seemed to find something wrong with Trowa and gazed at him intently. The other boy found this more than discomforting.

"Duo, I—I need to talk to you," he said quietly.

"Sure, Tro." Was it just him, or did Trowa just stutter?

"Here, sit down a minute. I'll get you a towel."

While Trowa went into the back of the trailer, Duo scanned the place with is eyes to try to locate the source of Trowa's discomfort. Finding nothing out of the ordinary, he inwardly shrugged. It was hard to guess what Trowa was thinking or feeling unless he wanted you to know. He supposed that he would find out soon enough.

The green-eyed boy re-entered the room at this moment, tossing a towel to his friend.

"Already in costume, I see," Duo said casually, trying to make conversation as he dried himself off. "Are you on soon?"

"15 minutes," was the immediate reply. There was a brief silence, when the only sound made was the ticking of the clock on Trowa's wall.

Trowa shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Listen, Duo, the reason that I invited you here was because—well, I need to ask you a question."

Duo sat up, his curiously piqued.

"You're not going to propose to me, are you?" he said jokingly, but stopped talking when he saw the serious expression on the other boy's face.

"This is sort of hard for me, but I decided to ask you. You'll never lie, right?"

Perplexed, Duo answered hesitantly. "No…"

"So you'll give me the true answer to this question, not letting our friendship get in the way of your judgment?"

He was completely confused now. "Listen, Trowa—"

"Duo, just hear me out." The taller boy took a deep breath, and let it out in a long sigh. He almost jumped when there came a knock on the door.

"Trowa, we're on in 5!" Catherine called through the door, and Trowa seemed to regain some of his senses.

"I'll be right there!" he called back, then turned to face Duo again.

"Maybe we should do this some other time," Duo tentatively suggested. "It sounds like you're going to be late if we keep talking—"

"No, I need to know before I go on tonight. Promise me you won't lie."

"I promise I won't lie."

"Okay. Umm…"

"So, what's the question?" Duo queried, starting to tire of Trowa's uncertainty. How hard could it be to ask one little question?

"God, this feels so stupid…"

"Trowa, just spit it out already!!"

"Okay. Here goes," he whispered to himself softly. He took a deep breath, shut his eyes, and muttered inaudibly.

"Trowa? I can't hear you."

He muttered softly again.

"Louder please."

Another whisper.

"Louder!"

Finally, an audible sound escaped his lips, and his cheeks were flaming red.

"Do these pants make me look fat?"

_*OWARI*_


	2. Epilogue

**Helpful Lies**

_Disclaimer:_ This is a purely non-profit story written for entertainment purposes only. All characters of Gundam Wing belong to their respective owners.

_Summary:_ slight yaoi, parody OOCness Trowa has a certain question he's been meaning to ask Duo, and the almighty God of Death suddenly finds himself trapped…

_WARNING:_ This chapter contains scenes with yaoi (male/male relationship). If this makes you uncomfortable in any way, stop reading now.

_Author's Notes:_ I swear I did **not** plan to write anything further in this path of madness. This was meant to be a one-shot, hopefully give you all a brief laugh, and then be over. However, another strange idea hit me suddenly before I fell asleep last night, and here's the result. Once again, these guys aren't supposed to be in character, and we pick up where we left off last time. Just an added tidbit for my (and hopefully your) enjoyment.

* * *

**Epilogue**

"What?" Duo could only blink stupidly, not sure he had heard correctly. "Do those pants…"

"—Make me look fat," Trowa finished for him. "Damn it, they do…"

"No!" Duo interjected intuitively, not thinking of what he was saying. Trowa looked up, eyes wide and hopeful.

"They don't? They really don't?"

"Well…" Duo began, realising that he had gotten himself into another jam. He couldn't lie, it just wasn't possible for him to lie, but what the hell was he supposed to say? Of **course** Trowa looked fat in those things, a skeleton would look fat in those horrendous pants. But why would a guy as good-looking as Trowa care? He looked up to find Trowa looking at him expectantly, and tried to formulate his words carefully.

"Look, Trowa… I don't think you should be worried about something like this. I mean, you're a really attractive guy with a great personality. Everyone's going to remember you for that, not for an outfit you need to wear for work. And besides, the audience is probably going to be looking at Catherine more than you. I really wouldn't worry about it."

Studying Trowa's face carefully, Duo tried to determine whether his words had had a positive or negative effect, and was relieved to see Trowa looking a little more relaxed; he thought he could even see the trace of a smile.

"Thanks for making me feel better, Duo," Trowa said at last. "But… do you really think I'm attractive?"

Just on the point of congratulating himself for getting out of a tight spot, Duo virtually choked on the air he was breathing in. What the hell kind of a question was THAT! He thought the last one was bad, but how in God's name was he going to worm his way out of this one?

He hated this. For the first time in his life, he hated not lying. What was he supposed to say? 'Yes, Trowa, you're attractive. So attractive, that I've had daydreams about you, you know, the kind where we're alone together in a dark room and doing stuff they only ever talk about in sex ed…'

Deciding that nothing was as liberating as the truth, he grit his teeth and said truthfully, "Uhh… yes, Trowa, I think you're an attractive guy."

As soon as this statement had left his mouth, he thought he heard a snicker from somewhere in the room that was quickly smothered. Pushing the thought aside as crazy, he turned his attention back to Trowa.

"Wow. Umm… Duo… how attractive do you think I am?"

Feeling like he would like nothing better than to pound his head against some concrete, Duo forced out, "Very attractive."

"Attractive enough to… I mean… would you kiss me if I asked you to?"

His cheeks flaming and his temple throbbing painfully, he said in a squeakily hoarse voice, "Y-yes… I suppose-I suppose I would…"

Trowa smiled at his answer, and he couldn't help but feel that he had just signed his death sentence. It wasn't that Trowa wasn't attractive; he just wasn't attracted to him in _that_ way. How long would this go on for? What if the next thing Trowa asked him to do wasn't as innocent as a kiss!

Just as Trowa moved, closer to him, he tried to explain.

"T-Trowa… I-I-I don't feel that way about you!" he blurted. However, this statement did nothing to deter Trowa.

"Just one kiss, Duo? Don't you want to?"

Stumped, once again. How could he resist those eyes, those lips, and that body when all it was asking of him was one kiss? Sighing in defeat, he moved forward to meet Trowa's lips halfway when Trowa's closet door burst open and out strode Heero, looking livid. Both Duo and Trowa pulled back, startled.

"Ok, ha ha, you've had your fun. Leave the poor idiot alone, you've probably just confused him out of his wits." And without saying a word to Duo, Heero promptly grabbed the longhaired boy and marched him out of the trailer door.

Trowa stood looking after them, hearing their voices fade into the distance. Not too long after, two other people also popped out of the closet. The blond was trying to stem his laughter, while the raven-haired youth looked disgusted.

"It looks like Heero's finally come out of the closet," Quatre said between fits of laughter, wiping the tears of merriment from his eyes. Trowa walked over to him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Looks like we win, so pay up Wufei," the brunette grinned. Wufei scowled and reached into his pocket for his wallet, muttering as he did so.

"I can't believe Heero… losing his cool over that loudmouth!"

"I bet you don't like him just because he cost you $100," Quatre smiled.

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't either," Wufei grumbled, handing over the money to Quatre.

"Just goes to show, love will make you do crazy things. Hopefully he'll admit it now," Quatre added thoughtfully, giving the money to Trowa to tuck away.

"Remind me never to gamble with you two," Wufei grudgingly conceded. "You're ruthless. I can't believe you'd do all that just to win a bet!"

Quatre laughed and leaned up to kiss Trowa, who accepted the kiss whole-heartedly.

"I'd better go before you two lovebirds make me sick," Wufei said while walking towards the door, but there was a small smile on his face. "Take care of yourselves."

"Thanks Wufei, you too," Trowa answered, and Quatre waved as they watched their friend depart. The two remaining boys looked at each other a moment, then smiled and kissed once again.

"TROWA!" Catherine appeared at the door of the trailer, panting. "Trowa, you're la—" And upon spying the two boys together, she rolled her eyes in annoyance and indulgence.

"So you're the one who's keeping him," she said sternly to Quatre. "I should've known. Come on, you little minx, or you won't have a job much longer!"

She grabbed Trowa (who cast an amused look back at Quatre) and dragged him with her.

"See you after the show," he mouthed back. Quatre merely smiled and nodded.

"Of course," he said quietly to himself, grinning. "After all, we have to spend our winnings."

**END**

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_AN:_ I know, terribly thin plot and all (but this wasn't supposed to have a plot originally). Hopefully it made some of you laugh.  



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